Single girl diaries, how to find an ideal partner?

In today’s post I’d like to focus on a matter which probably makes a lot of you feel uneasy … How to find an ideal partner? First of all, I’d like to stress the fact that I’m no authority in this subject, since I’m single now. Last week, I had a chance to take part in an event, which encouraged me to reflect on this issue … but first things first!

While being single for a longer period of time, especially in your early 30s … Do you feel that there’s something wrong with you? It’s the time during which all your friends are getting engaged, married and are setting up their families, and you seem to be just a bystander … your relatives keep nagging you with questions when you’re finally going to settle down, and you don’t really know what to answer … if you’ve got such problems, we’ve got something in common! I think that being aware of the fact that there are more people struggling with similar dilemmas is very comforting.

Last week, I had a chance to participate in retreat organized before Easter, and prepared for teenagers by the Christian community Metanoia ( Because of some work duties, I was a little bit late to the meeting and while entering the room I noticed a girl, who was standing on the stage and talking about her life, and about the fact how long she had to wait for her husband, while others around were creating relationships and setting up families. What I liked the most in her speech was the thing which we should always remember about … that all good things are worth waiting for.

I think that all of you are more or less experienced when it comes to man-woman thing. I personally learned something new from every finished relationship. I don’t really regret any of them, as I always try to remember about the good moments and about the positive character features of people with whom I had to split up. These apparent failures helped me to find out what is really important for me in another person, and I think that these are universal values. Of course, there are as many needs, as many people are in the world, that’s why we cannot generalize too much … I hope that my comments will occur to be helpful at least for some of you.

For me one of the most important aspects of any relationship is trust, you have to work really hard to make others trust you, but unfortunately you can lose their trust in the blink of an eye. There are people who you trust with your life, I know it may sound naive, but if you trust someone with all your heart and you would literally trust them your life … that’s it! Of course, sometimes we can be mistaken, but if we are careful observers and we listen to ourselves, we can really find a person who will be the right one. If your inner voice tells you that you shouldn’t trust someone, because of some reasons, you should have a closer look at your partner and resolve doubts while there’s still time.

The next vital issues for me are honesty and faithfulness. These two features go hand in hand in a well functioning relationship. We’ve got the right to expect loyalty from our partners … I’m not only thinking about betrayals, but also about the right support in difficult life situations. Honesty for sure helps in solving everyday problems and allows us to communicate well with our partners. Of course, it’s worth remembering that we should choose our words well not to hurt our loved ones … honesty, but not bluntness should be the basis of any relationship.

While searching for a husband or a wife, we should also pay attention to the values they share. If your boyfriend or girlfriend loves partying and flirting with just anyone, don’t expect that he or she will change after marrying you. You should check if the essential issues are the same important for both of you. These common values will be the basis of your future family one day.

While being in a relationship it’s good to have common goals, which you will pursue together. Of course, your boyfriend doesn’t have to be interested in everything you like, however it’s worth setting common goals, which you will be aiming at together, because they will help you get to know each other better and you will have the opportunity to spend more time together. Lack of common goals may occur to be frustrating with time, and in consequence may lead to quarrels and disappointment.

In a well functioning relationship both sides should be able to make sacrifices and to compromise. Of course, I’m not talking about changing yourself completely for your partner, however from time to time both sides should yield for a good cause. Are you a stay-at-home type of a person and your partner wants to go out? Accompany him/her, your loved one will know that his/her needs are important for you … compromises should be bilateral, so that no one feels disappointed and deprived of the things which are really important to him/her.

The next aspects without which I cannot imagine a good relationship are respect and tolerance. I always remind myself of the fact that my ideal partner doesn’t need to be perfect. The ideal partner must agree with me when it comes to the issues mentioned in this article. People always have their imperfections. We should respect and tolerate our partners’ limitations, as long as they don’t have a negative impact on our relationship.

Well matched partners should motivate each other, and I’d like to come back to a quotation which I really like:

‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,

while loving someone deeply gives you courage.’

– Lao Tzu.

While being in a relationship you should grow together, and you should also remember about leaving some space for your partner, so that he/she doesn’t feel oppressed.

And the high point of this article is love … it can move mountains! People who really love each other will always find the way to be together. Small obstacles won’t be something they won’t deal with. I’ve always been dreaming of such love and I hope I’ll find it one day. Don’t lose your faith and don’t bend the rules, only because of the fact that others pressurize you to do something. It’s your life and you must live it the way you want to and with the person you truly love.

See you around!


Passion Piece


Photo by Joanna Nix on Unsplash

24 thoughts on “Single girl diaries, how to find an ideal partner?

  1. Prześwietny post. Tak genialnie wszystko opisałaś, ze gdybym byla singielka miałabym na dzieje na to , ze w koncu sie uda i moj ksiaze się pojawi.
    pojawił się co prawda, w momencie w ktorym sie wcale nie spodziewalam, nie myslalam, ze moglby byc kiedykolwiek moim mezem – a jest.wspolnie spedzone chwile, szczere rozmowy i wzajemne zaufanie sprawiły, ze spokojnie z czystym sumieniem i sercem moge powiedziec, ze w koncu jestem szczesliwa.
    i tego zycze kazdemu.

    1. Bardzo się cieszę, że odnalazłaś swoją drugą połówkę. 🙂 Wbrew pozorom, znalezienie tego naprawdę właściwego partnera nie jest łatwe … i nie mówię tutaj o żadnym księciu z bajki. 🙂 No i często jest tak, że miłość pojawia się kiedy wcale się jej nie spodziewamy. 🙂

  2. great post – I agree that compromise is key – especially as we grow older as a single person you can really become set in your ways & become uncompromising – making it hard to maintain a relationship

    1. I couldn’t agree more with you, I already noticed that I like certain things to be done my way. However, I’m glad I’m still quite flexible. 🙂 Thanks for your comment! 🙂

    2. Yes, compromise IS key…as long as you’re not compromising your values and standards! 😛 Sometimes I think people become desperate and will just accept whatever is offered instead of being patient and waiting for the right one. (that was me several years ago after my divorce before I met my now husband of 8 years)

      1. I learned a few things from my previous relationships … compromises must be always on both sides, otherwise the side which keeps compromising all the time feels unhappy with time. I’m glad you found your ideal partner and I wish you many, many more years in happiness with your husband. 🙂

  3. Thank you so much for sharing this! This hits a little way to close to home, because I am single and almost 30. While it’s maybe pretty common somewhere, in Indonesia being a woman in late 20s could make pretty much anyone cringey. But then you’re right… we’ve learned what we need from every relationship that has ended. Sometimes even not just from the relationship that we experienced firsthand, but also others. But trust is the fundamental thing as in there’s no use to see one’s potential if we don’t trust them. I totally agree, because despite everything, relationship itself is about trust. 🙂

    1. Don’t worry about your age and being single … in Poland people also look at me if I were crazy at times, but after all we need to find the right person first and that’s not so easy, as one could have thought. We’re peers and we struggle with similar problems, thank you very much for your comment. 🙂

  4. I love what you said about having common goals. I’ve been married for twelve years, and early on, we agreed that we function so much better together when we have a project to work on or a goal to attain.

    1. I couldn’t agree more with you! My previous relationships didn’t work out also because I couldn’t find common goals with my partners. We had totally different plans for our lives. I’m glad you have such a wonderful husband. 🙂

  5. Really great post. Trust and faithfulness is key to a relationship. If you don’t have trust you can’t a relationship with someone.

    1. Yes, maybe at the beginnig it will seem to work well, but I guarantee everyone that over a period of time this kind of uncertainties will kill us and possibly our relationship. 🙂

  6. Compromise is everything in a relationship and listening. Actively listening to your partner is key for having great communication. Loved this post

    1. Yes, lack of good communication between partners leads to misunderstandings, besides this we are in relationships also because we want to be supported by our loved ones. 🙂

  7. Believe me, once you do get that relationship the annoying family stuff doesn’t go away. It becomes, now that you’re 30 and with someone, are you getting married?
    we’ve only been together two months… so…. *shuffles feet*
    Well, youre not getting any younger. You want your kids at 40?? When I was your age I had three kids and a house!
    yeah maybe, it’s more common now… if i decide to do that….. times change *shrug and side glances for someone to save you*
    Well, one of you must have a major flaw if yo’re both single at your age. Let me go harass your mother about what a terrible job she did raising you and letting you get a degree in theatre…
    um… ok…. you didn’t go to college at all so….. and your kids all suck and one is 42 and lives in your guest room…bye.
    ok, love you!
    herm… ok… i can feel that…. thanks….. bye.

    Then when you Do get married someone will immediately ask you between your vegetable lasagna and wedding dessert table when you’re having kids. Then your one year anniversary will hit and you put on 5 pounds in the last year and they ask your siblings if you’re hiding any news.

    So, don’t fret. It never ends. What will also happen is that you will go to few and few gatherings and spend time with people who are less invasive and rude. Best not to focus on it, dear.

    1. Wow, what a comment! You put everything together in such a hilarious way (I couldn’t stop smiling while reading your comment), but you are totally right! Families are families and they are as they are, although some people could focus more on their own lives rather than keep picking their noses in others’ lives. 🙂

    1. Being yourself is the most important, after all how long can you pretend to be someone else … 🙂

  8. okay the picture is too cute! these are very valid points. common goals or values are HUGE when you’re a few years deep into your relationship, it’s kind of the make or break! and TRUST is probably the biggest – especially in this world of social media.

    1. I also love this picture. You are right we can do without common goals and values well when everything is very fresh, but with time it gets rather difficult, and the only solution to this problem may be breaking up. And trust really matters in this modern social media world. 🙂

  9. I am in my late 20s and have spent a lot more time single than in a relationship! These pieces of advice are so reassuring! Have to keep my fingers crossed that the right one is out there somewhere!

    1. Ah me too, I’ll be 30 in a couple of months, and that’s true that I have spent much more time single than in a relationship. However, I’ve learned that being in a relationship or not being in a relationship doesn’t really define who we are. Sometimes it’s just better to wait a little bit longer and find the right person. I’m a valuable person and I’m proud of it. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *